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The Art of Being Present: Learning to Align My Heart with My Presence

Writer's picture: dionnarojasdionnarojas

"Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." — Proverbs 19:21

As a mother of three, I believed that showing up for my children was enough. I attended their games, sat through recitals, and made sure I was physically present for bedtime routines. But by the time my third child came along, I faced a painful truth: although I was there in body, I was emotionally checked out.

I wasn’t absent in the traditional sense — I was doing all the “right” things that mothers are supposed to do. I tucked them in at night, showed up to practices, and made sure everyone was fed and clothed. But inside, I was running on empty. My mind was preoccupied with work stress, to-do lists, and the endless pressure to be everything for everyone. I’d be with my kids, but my thoughts were miles away, distracted and overwhelmed.

The Moment of Clarity

I can’t say exactly what triggered the moment of clarity, but at some point, I noticed a shift in my children. They stopped sharing their stories with me, stopped asking me to join their games, and stopped looking for my attention the way they used to. Not because they didn’t love me — but because they knew I wasn’t really there when I was with them. And that realization hit me hard.

It was a sobering thought: I was giving them my time, but not my heart. I thought showing up physically was enough, but I realized that my emotional absence was doing more harm than good. My children were learning to live without me, even though I was right there in front of them. That was the day I knew something had to change.

The Hard Work of Reconnecting

From that moment on, I committed to the difficult task of being emotionally present. It wasn’t easy, and I had to admit to myself that part of the reason I checked out emotionally was because it felt safer. Being fully present meant I had to slow down, feel the weight of my emotions, and embrace the messiness of motherhood. But I knew that if I wanted to reconnect with my children, I had to start showing up with more than just my body.

I started small. Instead of checking my phone while sitting next to them, I put it away. Instead of zoning out during bedtime stories, I leaned in and listened, asking questions about their day. I didn’t try to “do it all” — I just focused on one moment at a time, giving my full attention to that moment.

How Emotional Absence Causes Disconnection

I’ve learned that being physically present but emotionally absent can be just as harmful as not being there at all. Children sense when we aren’t engaged, even when we think we’re hiding it well. They start to internalize that emotional distance, and over time, it can create a quiet but painful disconnect.

What I discovered is that intentions aren’t enough. My love for my children was never in question — but love isn’t just a feeling; it’s an action. I had to align my heart with my presence. It wasn’t about doing more; it was about being more intentional with the time I had.

Steps I Took to Become Emotionally Present

Here are some of the practical steps I took to reconnect with my children and align my presence with my heart:

  1. Pause and Check In with Myself: Before spending time with my kids, I started taking a few moments to pause, breathe, and shift my focus away from the stress of the day.

  2. Create Device-Free Zones: I made certain moments (like meals and bedtime) device-free. Removing distractions helped me stay fully engaged.

  3. Ask Questions and Listen Fully: Instead of giving surface-level responses like “That’s nice,” I began asking thoughtful questions about their day, their friends, and their feelings — and listened without interruption.

  4. Be Honest with My Children: I admitted to them that I hadn’t always been fully present and apologized. It was a humbling moment, but it opened the door to deeper conversations about how we could reconnect.

  5. Embrace Imperfection: I stopped putting pressure on myself to be the perfect mom. Some days are still messy, and I don’t always get it right. But I remind myself that presence isn’t about perfection — it’s about showing up with love and grace, even when things aren’t ideal.

Creating Manageable Moments of Connection

Learning to be emotionally present meant focusing on small, intentional moments rather than trying to do everything at once. I found that even five minutes of undivided attention could make a huge difference in our connection. Here are a few ways I started creating manageable moments of presence:

  • Morning Check-Ins: I asked each child one thing they were looking forward to that day.

  • Daily Walks: Taking a short walk together, even for 10 minutes, created space for conversations.

  • Bedtime Conversations: I made it a point to ask them one thing they felt proud of or grateful for before they went to sleep.

The Power of Emotional Presence

Over time, I began to see a shift in my relationship with my children. They started coming to me with their thoughts and feelings again. They invited me into their world, not because I demanded it, but because they felt my presence and knew I was available.

Being emotionally present isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. My children didn’t need me to do more; they needed me to be there in the moments we had — fully engaged, fully present, and fully me.

If you’ve found yourself physically present but emotionally checked out, know that it’s never too late to reconnect. Start small. One moment at a time. Your children don’t need perfection — they just need you.

Reflection Question: Where are you emotionally checked out in your relationships, and what’s one small step you can take today to be more present?

This blog post is part of my series, "Aligned Living: Mastering the Art of Balance." If you’re ready to explore practical tools for balancing emotional presence with the demands of life, join me for my upcoming 3-part coaching series. Together, we’ll dive into what it means to align your heart with your presence — so you can show up fully for the people who matter most.

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